I began losing weight in April 2010 (4/11 was my first weigh in). I'm not yet going to divulge where I was then, but it was bigger than when I delivered my youngest daughter. I was at an all time low self-esteem wise. I had been put on blood pressure meds and our old church was starting a Biggest Loser program. So, I signed up. We changed churches partway thru, but I kept going for the most part (there were several weeks I maintained bc I didn't watch things, but not gaining is a big deal for me!!).
As I got thinner, er... lost weight.... I'm not thin by any stretch of the imagination... I noticed I started wearing makeup more often. I would think to myself... "hey, I should start wearing makeup regularly again". Before I would put it on only for church--to put on a happy face and pretend I didn't feel trapped in my own body. But I was wearing it most days. One day I was in Walmart and thought I might like to check out the jewelery. I NEVER wear necklaces or bracelets but there I was buying a necklace. I felt pretty again. It was nice to feel like I could care about myself because I was actually taking care of my body and feeding it the right things for once. I got the necklace home and put it on. My older daughter came in and asked why I bought it and was wearing it (I NEVER wear necklaces!). I said it made me feel pretty to wear it and she said, "mommy, you do look pretty with it on". I told her it's nice to do things like this for yourself once in a while... get something little and special.
Today I made it to 27lbs lost. I'm still too heavy, and I realize this but I'm working on it. But, I feel like the person who's been trapped inside is coming back out. I'm smiling more, and feeling more secure in myself. I find myself talking to more people because I FEEL good... feel better about myself. I used to believe people I didn't know yet didn't want to know me so why bother. I know now that yes, I'm lighter, but all along I did have value because God sees me as His child and He doesn't make mistakes. But being heavy makes one feel they have no worth or value to people.
I have two daughters, 3.5 and 7. I hope and pray they see my journey as a journey to health and not a journey to being skinny. I DO want to look nice, but feeling better and being able to do more are the main goals for me. I remind them that yes, mommy is getting smaller but the main thing is mommy is treating her body better by eating better and working out.
I think as you gain weight, the things you stop doing for yourself just happen so gradually that you don't see it until you get it together and lose some... then it's like "oh, I used to like to look nice!" and I deserved it then, but I REALLY feel like I deserve it now.
I am loving feeling better about myself again. I am feeling like a new woman already.
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