Where I am now... 8/31/10

Wow, I look at this picture and can't help but think I have so far to go, but yet I see that my neck is visible now, my fat roll that rested on top of these cutoffs is gone (same pants in this pic and in before pic...), the red shirt in the before pic is huge and one size larger than this purple shirt... and, I should be able to downsize the top again soon even... the pants FIT now and don't hurt me to wear them.

It happens so gradually that you don't really comprehend how big you are until you look back and see for yourself!!! So thankful my journey is successful, and I'm going to keep it that way!

Hope this works... me in April 2010 before the journey.

Testing... this is my before shot. April 2010. I was so very sad then, and feel so much better now. Will get another shot today...

I've made it to 30.2 pounds off today!

I am thrilled to be able to say I'm down 30.2lbs! I really love South Beach Diet. I have to say no to some foods I love but it is worth it because I feel wonderful, my diabetic husband feels wonderful... I'm a lot less tired, and just plain feel GREAT!

This week I add in some carbs. I'm going to try really hard to only add something in once a day and see how my loss is in a week doing that. I'd love to keep losing 3lbs a week until I hit goal, but it's not practical for me to keep going with this diet long term. I'm afraid if I never get to have fruits/breads I may get to the place where I cheat and binge on things. Not going there!!

Planning to work out today, Monday, Wednesday and Thursday. :) My dad retires after 44yrs on Tues so we're all going to that and then a lunch after. So... no working out. :)

A plan for my workouts.

I have a plan for my workouts that will get me to the gym 4-5 days a week and work everything I need to work. I'll stick with it until I get bored, then I will hit up Joe the Y trainer for more ideas.

Monday/Wednesday--warmup on bike or treadmill, 10 minutes. Go through all upper body machines 2x, 10 reps each time. As the weight feels "easy" increase it by 5 and keep going w/ that until it gets easy them move up again. After the weight machines, elliptical or cross trainer for 20-30 minutes. I may throw in a walk on the treadmill after that as a cool down when my ankle allows.

Tuesday/Friday--same as Monday but throw in lower body machines instead of upper body machines.

Thursday will be my "day off" when there is a bible study I want to attend on a Thursday morning, or I will attend a class. I'm trying Zumba this week. If you haven't heard of it, google Zumba and check it out. I have seen it but can't give a good explanation. If I don't like Zumba and don't find any other classes, I will just do some cardio.

What helps me keep going is upbeat music and changing it up. Some days I listen to my workout list which is a Jock Jams CD or some fast Christian music. When I do a long time on the bike, I listen to a Beth Moore podcast. I listened to tobyMac today and it was awesome for keeping me going.

Now, I had thoughts of doing ALL the machines 3 days, or 2 days and only doing Cardio the other ones to make those days shorter but Joe recommended I do weights every day but alternate what I do. He said working with the weights increases your metabolism for 24-36 hours after because your body is rebuilding the muscle. Well, as a heavy chick, I'm going to test this out because it sounds fabulous!!

Looking in the Mirror

I thought of something else that has change for me since the start of my journey back in April of this year. I didn't even think about it at the time. Be forewarned, this might make me sound vain.

I just left my room after getting dressed (got my post workout shower) and I put on a pair of shorts I got from a friend who has lost over 100 pounds and gone from a size 26 to a size 8 (I think. She might be smaller, maybe a 6?). I bought some of her plus size clothes one size down recently. There was a pair of shorts I've worn once before but they were a tiny bit uncomfortable, but wearable. I'm proud to say they are comfortable today! I put them on and looked in the mirror. Caught myself smiling. I enjoyed looking into the mirror because I can see my changing body, and I can see my progress right in front of me. I'm beyond proud right now. My stomach is flatter.

The other day I went to Hobby Lobby with Ruthie and she asked to go down the mirror aisle. This is normally an aisle I avoid at all costs, or, if I find myself there, I have to hold in the tears should I catch a glimpse of myself... especially from the side... as my waist even through the gain--from the front is slimmer than my hips. But turn me to the side and WOAH! Well, the other day I walked down the aisle proudly looking at my smaller, healthier figure.

More on emotion and weight

I began losing weight in April 2010 (4/11 was my first weigh in). I'm not yet going to divulge where I was then, but it was bigger than when I delivered my youngest daughter. I was at an all time low self-esteem wise. I had been put on blood pressure meds and our old church was starting a Biggest Loser program. So, I signed up. We changed churches partway thru, but I kept going for the most part (there were several weeks I maintained bc I didn't watch things, but not gaining is a big deal for me!!).

As I got thinner, er... lost weight.... I'm not thin by any stretch of the imagination... I noticed I started wearing makeup more often. I would think to myself... "hey, I should start wearing makeup regularly again". Before I would put it on only for church--to put on a happy face and pretend I didn't feel trapped in my own body. But I was wearing it most days. One day I was in Walmart and thought I might like to check out the jewelery. I NEVER wear necklaces or bracelets but there I was buying a necklace. I felt pretty again. It was nice to feel like I could care about myself because I was actually taking care of my body and feeding it the right things for once. I got the necklace home and put it on. My older daughter came in and asked why I bought it and was wearing it (I NEVER wear necklaces!). I said it made me feel pretty to wear it and she said, "mommy, you do look pretty with it on". I told her it's nice to do things like this for yourself once in a while... get something little and special.

Today I made it to 27lbs lost. I'm still too heavy, and I realize this but I'm working on it. But, I feel like the person who's been trapped inside is coming back out. I'm smiling more, and feeling more secure in myself. I find myself talking to more people because I FEEL good... feel better about myself. I used to believe people I didn't know yet didn't want to know me so why bother. I know now that yes, I'm lighter, but all along I did have value because God sees me as His child and He doesn't make mistakes. But being heavy makes one feel they have no worth or value to people.

I have two daughters, 3.5 and 7. I hope and pray they see my journey as a journey to health and not a journey to being skinny. I DO want to look nice, but feeling better and being able to do more are the main goals for me. I remind them that yes, mommy is getting smaller but the main thing is mommy is treating her body better by eating better and working out.

I think as you gain weight, the things you stop doing for yourself just happen so gradually that you don't see it until you get it together and lose some... then it's like "oh, I used to like to look nice!" and I deserved it then, but I REALLY feel like I deserve it now.

I am loving feeling better about myself again. I am feeling like a new woman already.

Some deep things on my mind... an attempt to educate the skinny folk.

It is hard to put into words the emotions that go along with being heavy, losing weight, etc. And for people who have never been obese it probably seems impossible to them to comprehend how someone "like me" can be heavy. I'm smart. I know a lot about nutrition. I understand how to lose weight. So, many people probably wonder, why be so heavy? Why let yourself get into the obese category? I'm not totally sure, but I'm doing a lot of reflecting.

1. It's EASY to get heavy. It takes thought and work to stay healthy. "Bad" foods are cheaper and easier for the most part. If you go into an Aldi, most of what's there is processed crap with no nutritional value, and it's super cheap... NOW anyway. In the long run, it's more expensive in the way of bigger clothes, medications needed for weight related problems, and early health trouble. You can drive through Jack in the Box for example, and get 2 tacos for a dollar. CHEAP! It doesn't take much thought to eat willy-nilly and have whatever you want when you want it.

2. When you get really heavy, you think that is who you are and who you always will be. I know it's nuts but I basically accepted my status as a "fat chick" and when I would get down about it, well, why not eat something... which makes it keep going... vicious circle.

3. When you are heavy you feel worthless. Its sad to say but as a "fat chick" I can tell that people look me up and down and make a judgement. Even some family members which hurts the most. Most are just ultra supportive but sometimes I can FEEL the eyes and the nasty thoughts. You feel like you are worth nothing because you are fat, so why bother working on it? You figure no one cares much because you are just a "fat person" and have little value. I actually remember thinking I would always be fat so why bother trying to change things. What's the point if I'm just going to get fat again and disappoint everyone anyway.

4. When you share with people you love and care about that you are dieting, some see that as license to harass you over every single food choice. I was counting calories and was asked many times why I was eating XYZ. I would explain I count my cals, and budgeted for it. Also, some folks seem to think diets are a pain when they go to cook for you, and you feel like it's stupid to stay on program when someone claims it's hard to feed you (this moreso with the low carb phase 1 of South Beach). I can always bring my own foods, I do NOT mind at all! But please, if you offer to cook something for me when I'm on a restrictive part of a eating plan, don't go on and on about "oh you cant have this or that" and act like it's so horrible to cook for me. Tell me to bring my own food. It makes me feel like I shouldn't bother eating right because you act like it's so hard!

5. A big one for me is my arthritis. I get down emotionally about it and there are times I just give up completely because life is so hard when one is in pain. No one can understand every day pain unless they have lived it. It takes a toll mentally and physically. I am aware of the fact I need to excercise but it's not helpful to be harassed about that when I can't walk around the house without crying. Just sayin.

Onto another post about some of the emotions I'm working through...

Oh Happy Day! What a Happy, Happy Day! ...

when I lost 5 pounds... in my first week low carb again... ok, so I never claimed to be good at singing OR songwriting.

I got on the scale this morning... 5 lbs down in one week!!! Never felt hungry... ate a little too much fat some days but South Beach is very restrictive the first 2 weeks and you do nuts/cheese for snacks, veggies and meats... eggs... so, when I would get hungry I would grab cheese or nuts. I know going hungry is not an option!! Oh, and sugar free jello.

This brings my total loss to 27 pounds since 4/11/10. My ultimate goal is to be at 180 by 12/31/11. That is a long way off... BUT... First I'm going for 3 more lbs to have an even 30lb loss.

Another week of phase 1 this week.... getting bored with my food but loving how I'm feeling. 4 days (at least) of workouts planned this week!!

Slacking!

I'm NOT slacking on my SBD or working out, just not getting it posted so now I don't remember anything... LOL. I might just post if I try a really yummy recipe. I guess in the beginning I was always heavier than him... but STILL! I know the point is to get healthier, and feel better.... not to focus on the scale #s but I can't help but be frustrated by that. grrr....

I'm down 4.4 so far this week. Technically Monday is weigh day because I started SBD on Monday but I normally weigh on Sundays. I'll probably do both. LOL If the 4.4 holds it will be 26.4 pounds lost since April. I wasn't always serious about it all the way thru... but I'm proud of that loss. I do feel better already, too. I'm also under a "10" mark so it was nice to go into a different set of numbers.

I am hoping to be at my goal (180) by next year's end. That will be a total of 20 months for me to get there since I started in April 2010. I can tell my face is thinner from looking at pics taken before I lost the weight I've lost.

So, I choose to be happy for where I've gotten instead of annoyed with my husband. LOL!

SBD Day 3, workout 8/18/10

OK, so here is my food

Breakfast: eggs with a little colby jack cheese and a few bacon bits, milk

Lunch: salad with grilled chicken, ranch dressing, little bit of cheese, SF jello

Dinner: (I'm embarrassed, but I'll be honest) Almonds and a glass of milk, and a cheese stick. We had swim lessons for both girls and I was too tired to cook. The girls and Charles had leftovers. He took R home after her lesson, fed her, then got Gabby's dinner for me while I collapsed with my almonds and milk. :O

Snacks: both nuts, peanuts and almonds... so... too many servings of nuts, but they are a FAST snack... :O

Workout... rode bike 30 minutes. I'm meeting with the trainer to learn the lower body machines and do my cardio in the am. :)

Workout 8/17/10

I'm going to post about my workouts, maybe not every time I go, but just sometimes so I can look back and see where my fitness level was.

Cardio: 20 minutes Cybex cross trainer, 20 minutes exercise bike
Strength training: upper body machines... 12 reps each one

I have an appt Thursday morning with the trainer, Joe... he is super awesome... a retired health teacher. He has a great knowledge of the machines and how to safely use each one... and how to deal with health conditions and the machines and such. I really like him.

SBD Day 2, aka, Gabby's first day of school!

Well, to those who might come across this who do not know me, we were homeschooling until this fall. We decided to send Gabby to school (2nd grade) so I could work more on my health goals. I have a sizable amount of weight to lose, and with me developing high blood pressure recently, and my arthritis being ok sometimes and not others, homeschooling plus working out all of it just can't happen for me at once. We decided me being alive and healthy was ultimately more important than homeschooling. Anyway, she had a wonderful first day. :)

Now for my food. Ate on plan, but didn't eat enough I'm thinking...

Breakfast: meatballs with provolone cheese (ha! didn't want eggs again)

Snack: none (oops... will pack some nuts in am to take with me to snack on after my workouts)

Lunch: turkey and cheese on lettuce leaves, and SF popsicle... (I am NOT hungry... it's baffling that I'm already feeling not hungry after 1 day LCing it...)

Snack: probably nuts, since I didn't have any this morning...

Dinner: grilled chicken breast with some kind of seasoning, salad... not sure what else...

SBD Day 1

Today is the first day of SBD. Here is what I'm eating....

Breakfast: eggs sprinkled with bacon bits and cheese. (should add a veggie, but I'm full... sooo)

Lunch: McD's Caesar salad w/grilled chicken, no croutons

Dinner: meatballs with spaghetti sauce (leftovers we NEED to eat, will do w/o bread or pasta tho), topped with provolone cheese... broccoli and salad on the side

Snacks: 20 peanuts, celery w/Ranch dressing...

I need to pick up cheese sticks for quick snacks too, and a few other odds and ends. We've got a list going and will hit the store in the next day or two.

Stocked up on SBD foods....

I went to Aldi and stocked up on foods we can eat on SBD. So far I'm making up meal ideas in my head. Breakfasts for me will be eggs with cheese, possibly veggies or some bacon bits sprinkled on (very few, just enough for flavor). I'll do snacks of cheese sticks (darn, forgot to buy those. need to go to the store tomorrow), nuts, and veggies. Lunches will most likely be salads, whether chicken salad in a lettuce leaf, a regular salad with some kind of meat on top, or something salad. For dinners we have lean beef we can make, tilapia, chicken breasts... and I'm sure there's more in the freezer... I got fresh green beans to make this week too since we all love them. Sugar free popsicles will help us get a "fruit fix" since for the next two weeks we cannot do fruits. I got peanuts and pistachios for snacking. Pistachios are awesome because they take effort to eat and are super yummy... helps with the salty cravings I get. I'm sure I will have to run back to the store mid week to be sure we have enough to make it, but we should be pretty well set. Planning on a taco salad (no tortillas, just salad w/taco meat) too. We've got left over meatballs from meatball subs this weekend, so we'll do those with cheese on top (bread for the girls too) with salad or something. I can't let that go to waste, but we can watch how much sauce we get when we dish ours up and it will help.

Tomorrow is it! I'll post what we end up eating in case it helps anyone.

If you read this, please let me know

I would LOVE to know if anyone is reading along with me. I am trying so hard to blog about my progress here instead of driving all of Facebook world nuts. ;) I'd love to know someone is out there besides CSK. ;)

Embarking on a South Beach Diet Journey

My husband was diagnosed as diabetic a couple years ago. For a while he was pre-diabetic and he was able to get things normal with diet. After a while the numbers were higher and he was declared diabetic and put on Metformin. He has struggled with this. I guess it's much like my experience with weight loss. The denial that "it's not that bad" or "I only ate a little of XYZ" or "I will watch my diet next week". Anyone who has done the weight loss game knows all of the excuses. And he's scared, frustrated, etc.

So, to help him, and myself, we're going low-carb with South Beach Diet again. The first two weeks are the hardest. You only eat veggies, meats, cheese, and some nuts (sparingly). This means if I take the girls to play at that clown restauraunt my options are salad, salad or salad. This is not a bad thing. I can still eat so much crap even when calorie counting. We're starting Monday to give us time to get things into/out of the house and make meal plans.

I did South Beach about 5 years or so ago when Gabby was 2 and I got 20lbs away from my ultimate goal. I guess at that point I felt I had arrived, I was "done", so I stopped caring. Stopped working out because at the time I had pre-paid for Curves and there was no childcare. I was home all summer with G and it was hard to workout and take her. Bleh. Membership ran out after a year and I just fell into my old patterns again.

Now, I have my husband and he has me for accountability. I have a new friend who has completed her weight loss journey and is on a maintaining journey. I have a friend who works out in O'Fallon I can meet up with and a friend who comes to Collinsville to work out so there is no reason I can't keep up a routine when I have positive folks around me to help.

I think I will post about our dinners here too, in case someone else needs LC ideas. My family is going to do this together.

Things are not going too well....

I'm really down. I got to the gym one day the week we were sick... and with missing my RA shot the next week was a wash too. Right now we're doing tons of stuff before Gabby starts school next Tuesday and I basically have not made it to the Y in ages as a result.

Later today Ruthie has swim lessons so I'm going to at the very least ride a bike if my ankle is still hurting like it is now. I went on a new RA med that has caused gas and bloating and my tummy is all puffy. I know I've had a gain but I did not weigh because I know I've got bloating and weighing right now will depress me--cycle due to start any day now too. I do need to weigh Sunday though, because I need to know where I'm at.

This is the point in the process where I give up because I get discouraged about the whole weight loss process. I had lunch with a new friend yesterday who has lost 100lbs and it was a good kick in the butt. I'm still struggling to see myself as a "fit person" too. Back at it later today though... must do it!