I've been overweight as long as I can remember. I have tried and failed to lose the weight so many times. I'll get close to my goal, figure I'm "done" and go off the eating plan. Not good. This time is going to be different. I started April 11th and have lost 20lbs to date. This is with a rebellious period in the middle too. So I know I can do this. It is time to work on ME... to get ME healthy and feeling better.
I'm going to the gym 3 times a week and going to throw in 1 or 2 more times as I have time... committing to 3 times right now. I'm tracking my calories on SparkPeople.com (I'm mrslmfuller).
I've recently met a new friend through another friend. Janelle has lost 100lbs and she "gets it". She knows how it feels to be obese and how hard it can be to unpack the emotions and feelings associated with being overweight. Where I'm at right now, I want to lose 95 more pounds. It is time to take care of myself.
I knew a year ago when we went to Branson it was time but I was not ready. We took the kids to SDC and I tried to get on this ride with Gabby. I could not buckle it. No matter how hard I tried I couldn't fit in there. I wanted to run away and hide, and bawl but I didn't want my daughter to know how much it bothered me. A helpful teenager came up and said "I'll ride with her so she can ride..." While this was helpful at the same time it was humiliating. I started a brief diet then but it wasn't something I was determined to do. Eating crap was more important to me than feeling better.
My family went through (are still going through) a major trial. It's been going on since the end of November 09. Long story short I went on anti-depressants, saw a Christian counselor and in the process of learning to cope and live through this tragedy, I have grown closer to the Lord and learned a lot about myself too. I feel blessed to have a God that cares for me no matter how bitter and angry I had became, He was always there with open arms. Through the trial I gained 25-30lbs more on top of what I was carrying. I was taking food and putting it in God's place as my comfort.
I saw my GP back the end of March 2010. He knows our family so he understood my weight gain but told me... now it's time to work on losing the weight and feeling better. He told me my blood pressure was borderline high (now it is high, on meds) and it was time to change so I didn't have more health related problems. I went on SparkPeople.com's diet and have counted off and on but mostly on. I'm 20lbs down and I'm hoping to lose the other 95 by the end of 2011. I set my goal 1.5 years out for getting it all off...
I'm going to the Y on Mon, Wed and Fri now. I've told my girls this is non-negotiable. Mommy needs this time to work on getting healthier and feeling better. Gabby is going to school in the fall to help me have the time to work on myself. I felt very selfish to stop homeschooling for this reason, but I feel the end justifies the means. If I don't stop the track I'm on healthwise, I won't be here to homeschool them, see them get married, etc. So, it's time to trust that God will work in her life through our family devotionals and her time at Bethel... and I know He will. Mommy's going to get healthy... mommy wants to LIVE again.
No comments:
Post a Comment