I feel young. Young and alive.
Okay, that sounds majorly corny. However, when I went skating for the first time with my girls, this is exactly the thought that went through my mind. I've had arthritis since age 5 and there are some activities, as I've gotten older and accumulated more joint damage... and weight... that I just had not tried.
I have such good memories of skating in Granite City at Stopkotte's. I skated on quads then and we would skate and skate and skate. Our church went so they played Christian music. There was limbo, and hokey pokey as well as reverse skating... couples skate (YUK, cooties!). I loved it as a kid, but as I grew into an adult, and then packed on weight, I figured skating was not an option for me anymore.
My kids went to a skating party at the Edwardsville YMCA back in July. I did not skate then because my youngest daughter was a handful. She was terrified and crying. Screaming. Once I got her into some slower skates she was fine, but the party was nearly over. So, the next week, I got the wild idea to take them to the open skate from 1-4 pm they had during the summer. I told a few friends that I may be calling if I need medical assistance, and we left for the rink. I had the thought of ... my husband is gone right now, and if I break my leg it's going to be really hard to care for the kids by myself!! LOL!!
I put the skates on, and started off. A couple day camp teachers said they were impressed I was trying. I guess a mid thirties mom on skates was kind of an unusual sight for them?! I inched my way to the rink and a couple helpful kids said, "are you sure you can handle this?" I asked one if they knew what number to call to get medical help. "Um, 911." I laughed and said, don't forget that, ok? ;)
So, I made my way around the rink, hanging out by the wall. I was surprised at how well I was doing, because I hadn't done this in a while! I guess losing that much weight makes a lot of things more possible! I was going along really well... for a while.
I got really confident, and ended up falling on my bottom. A couple little girls zoomed over and asked if I was sure I was okay... I said yes over and over but they didn't look convinced. I really was fine, and replied, "don't worry, I fell on my butt, and it's padded." They laughed and one said in a serious tone, "they have ice packs if you need one for your butt!!" HAHAHA!! I declined.
We skated a while, and I sat down to enter my activity points for Weight Watchers. 8 points for a half hour! Awesome!! My oldest daughter told me she was proud of me. I kept telling the kids, I love skating! I love skating! I felt so good about being able to do it!!
We got a membership so we could skate at the free member skate times for free and have gone once or twice a week since my first try. I'm trying to get my husband "rolling" so we have a new fun physical activity to do together as a family. My girls love going, and my 4yo has gained the confidence to skate on inlines, yeah! I love that this is something physical I can do that doesn't hurt me (save a fall here and there). I'm so thankful I lost the weight and I can do so much more now with the kids!
Saturday, August 20, 2011
Where I've been in the last 16-17 months...
Corny title, I know.
I am 16-17 months into my new healthy living ways, and am down 61 pounds. I have not been on track that whole time, but I have been on track for most of that time. I assumed that my arthritis was more severe and that was why I had trouble moving before beginning on my healthy living journey... but I was wrong. Don't get me wrong--having RA since age 5 does mean I have a considerable amount of damage. My fingers and toes are bent (which makes finding shoes a nightmare, and also proved a challenge when looking for roller skates). My left ankle seems to be the worse weight bearing joint pain wise... my wrists are locked into position (do not flex or move much)... and when I began this journey, I could barely walk.
It is a lot for me to admit this, because by my readers doing a simple math problem you can figure out my weight. But I have a feeling there are others out there, perhaps reading this, that are at my starting weight...or maybe more or less... feeling like they could never do what I have managed to do. I began my journey at 294.8 pounds. Yes. 294.8... NOT 295!! I clung to that .8 because it meant I was NOT 295... not that 295 was that much more than 294.8.
I felt tired all of the time. I actually was diagnosed with obstructive sleep apnea back in 2007--and I was probably 20 pounds lighter then, maybe 30. When that diagnosis came, I thought that would be what it took to get me motivated, but it didn't last. The end of 2009 brought the biggest spiritual and emotional challenge I'd faced to date... and... I medicated and soothed myself with food. I quickly got up to 294.8 by April 2010, and I felt awful about life, about myself, about everything. I had been taking medication for depression, and it had helped A LOT... but the overwhelming feeling of failure was too much to bear.
Our old church had a "biggest loser" style contest and I signed up... but I felt defeated. My extra weight made me feel a lot of pain when trying to exercise or move much at all. The situation that had depressed me was still ongoing. Even though I was a victor because of Christ, I was believing the enemy's lies. I failed. I was fat, ugly, and worthless. Yes, I said all of those things to myself in my mind. ALL of the time. I played those words over and over like a broken record. I "wore" a cloak of guilt, depression, bondage and shame. Some was related to the situation going on with a member of my family, but a lot of it was due to how I felt and looked.
I started going to a local YMCA and exercising with a man named Joe. Joe is a retired health teacher, not sure how old he is, but he is in amazing physical shape. I honestly feel in many ways I owe my life to him. I would have died at some point from living the way I was living, and in desperation I made an appointment to see him for training help. He never once made me feel bad about myself and he always found some way to encourage me. I was 282 when I saw him in June 2010. So, I had lost 12.8 pounds from my high point between April and June 2010. Joe helped me get familiar with the gym--the cardio machines and the weight machines... and later he got me comfortable with the free weights. I began my sessions with him only able to ride the bike because of pain.
I think back to how I was doing then and I'm literally in awe of this wonderful, powerful journey I've been on. Now I can do the elliptical for 30 minutes (some days 45). It is a workout for sure, but I can do it. I could barely do 3 minutes in the summer of 2010. So, the fitness goals I have achieved may not be anything like what others have achieved, but I find myself thankful and grateful for where I have come in that amount of time.
I'm going to use the next post to be more specific about some recent triumphs :)
I am 16-17 months into my new healthy living ways, and am down 61 pounds. I have not been on track that whole time, but I have been on track for most of that time. I assumed that my arthritis was more severe and that was why I had trouble moving before beginning on my healthy living journey... but I was wrong. Don't get me wrong--having RA since age 5 does mean I have a considerable amount of damage. My fingers and toes are bent (which makes finding shoes a nightmare, and also proved a challenge when looking for roller skates). My left ankle seems to be the worse weight bearing joint pain wise... my wrists are locked into position (do not flex or move much)... and when I began this journey, I could barely walk.
It is a lot for me to admit this, because by my readers doing a simple math problem you can figure out my weight. But I have a feeling there are others out there, perhaps reading this, that are at my starting weight...or maybe more or less... feeling like they could never do what I have managed to do. I began my journey at 294.8 pounds. Yes. 294.8... NOT 295!! I clung to that .8 because it meant I was NOT 295... not that 295 was that much more than 294.8.
I felt tired all of the time. I actually was diagnosed with obstructive sleep apnea back in 2007--and I was probably 20 pounds lighter then, maybe 30. When that diagnosis came, I thought that would be what it took to get me motivated, but it didn't last. The end of 2009 brought the biggest spiritual and emotional challenge I'd faced to date... and... I medicated and soothed myself with food. I quickly got up to 294.8 by April 2010, and I felt awful about life, about myself, about everything. I had been taking medication for depression, and it had helped A LOT... but the overwhelming feeling of failure was too much to bear.
Our old church had a "biggest loser" style contest and I signed up... but I felt defeated. My extra weight made me feel a lot of pain when trying to exercise or move much at all. The situation that had depressed me was still ongoing. Even though I was a victor because of Christ, I was believing the enemy's lies. I failed. I was fat, ugly, and worthless. Yes, I said all of those things to myself in my mind. ALL of the time. I played those words over and over like a broken record. I "wore" a cloak of guilt, depression, bondage and shame. Some was related to the situation going on with a member of my family, but a lot of it was due to how I felt and looked.
I started going to a local YMCA and exercising with a man named Joe. Joe is a retired health teacher, not sure how old he is, but he is in amazing physical shape. I honestly feel in many ways I owe my life to him. I would have died at some point from living the way I was living, and in desperation I made an appointment to see him for training help. He never once made me feel bad about myself and he always found some way to encourage me. I was 282 when I saw him in June 2010. So, I had lost 12.8 pounds from my high point between April and June 2010. Joe helped me get familiar with the gym--the cardio machines and the weight machines... and later he got me comfortable with the free weights. I began my sessions with him only able to ride the bike because of pain.
I think back to how I was doing then and I'm literally in awe of this wonderful, powerful journey I've been on. Now I can do the elliptical for 30 minutes (some days 45). It is a workout for sure, but I can do it. I could barely do 3 minutes in the summer of 2010. So, the fitness goals I have achieved may not be anything like what others have achieved, but I find myself thankful and grateful for where I have come in that amount of time.
I'm going to use the next post to be more specific about some recent triumphs :)
Friday, June 3, 2011
Ch-ch-changes...
I'm feeling a bit silly I guess, hence the title.
A year ago, April 2010, we went to a homeschool convention in Cincy, OH. I was 50lbs heavier (I am officially down 50lbs since April 2010). I have Rheumatoid Arthritis, but... still... I should not have been hurting as much as I was trying to walk around the convention. I remember taking ibuprofen every 6 hours as well as Vicodin. No worries, I'm not addicted... but when you are in so much pain you CRY--literally--well, what are you going to do? Even the ibuprofen and Vicodin didn't keep the pain at bay.
Fast forward to Memorial Day Weekend 2011. We went to Chicago to see my husband's younger sis and her family. I did have pain--just the nature of the beast with having so much joint damage--but I did VERY well. I walked around the Morton Arboretum for about 3 hours (with a few stops), the Kohl Children's museum for about 2 hours (but lots of sitting), Ikea, and the Lincoln Park Zoo... in the rain...
A year ago, for one, I couldn't have managed this walking. But if I HAD done it, I would be laid up the next day most of the day. This time, I could do the walking, and then still get up and go the next day. I would be sore and stiff in the evenings, but not in NEAR as much pain as before.
I am hoping someone reads this who needs encouragement, cause it sure encourages me to keep going because if I feel this much better still being about 60-70 pounds over weight (my goal is 50 more off... who cares about ideal weights?) I will feel even more awesome the more I get off.
I still have limitations, but I can honestly say I feel like I am living life for real again. I must always remember this.
A year ago, April 2010, we went to a homeschool convention in Cincy, OH. I was 50lbs heavier (I am officially down 50lbs since April 2010). I have Rheumatoid Arthritis, but... still... I should not have been hurting as much as I was trying to walk around the convention. I remember taking ibuprofen every 6 hours as well as Vicodin. No worries, I'm not addicted... but when you are in so much pain you CRY--literally--well, what are you going to do? Even the ibuprofen and Vicodin didn't keep the pain at bay.
Fast forward to Memorial Day Weekend 2011. We went to Chicago to see my husband's younger sis and her family. I did have pain--just the nature of the beast with having so much joint damage--but I did VERY well. I walked around the Morton Arboretum for about 3 hours (with a few stops), the Kohl Children's museum for about 2 hours (but lots of sitting), Ikea, and the Lincoln Park Zoo... in the rain...
A year ago, for one, I couldn't have managed this walking. But if I HAD done it, I would be laid up the next day most of the day. This time, I could do the walking, and then still get up and go the next day. I would be sore and stiff in the evenings, but not in NEAR as much pain as before.
I am hoping someone reads this who needs encouragement, cause it sure encourages me to keep going because if I feel this much better still being about 60-70 pounds over weight (my goal is 50 more off... who cares about ideal weights?) I will feel even more awesome the more I get off.
I still have limitations, but I can honestly say I feel like I am living life for real again. I must always remember this.
Wednesday, May 4, 2011
Weight Watchin...
with weight watchers.
Yeah. I know. Weight Watchers. It feels so cliche. I resisted it for a while, but two good friends of mine joined and they are having a lot of success. The plan has changed a lot since the last time I did it. Before, the way to make it was to eat low fat/low cal. Now the plan accounts for protein, fat, fiber and carbs. Much better, in my opinion. Also, fruits are free foods. No more trying to satiate myself with sugar free jello. I can have REAL food... good food... fruit.
First week will be done Saturday... so we'll see.
Yeah. I know. Weight Watchers. It feels so cliche. I resisted it for a while, but two good friends of mine joined and they are having a lot of success. The plan has changed a lot since the last time I did it. Before, the way to make it was to eat low fat/low cal. Now the plan accounts for protein, fat, fiber and carbs. Much better, in my opinion. Also, fruits are free foods. No more trying to satiate myself with sugar free jello. I can have REAL food... good food... fruit.
First week will be done Saturday... so we'll see.
Tuesday, April 5, 2011
Checking in...
Well, the weight thing is pretty much the same. I hate that but it is what it is. I realized today I'm coming up on a year since I started losing, and I was hoping to be 52lbs down by now. I'm okay with where I am. I have maintaned pretty much a 45 lb loss over the last several months, and that is huge for me. I have not put it back on. So, that is definitely a victory worth celebrating.
I have also learned, through going back to my old ways at times, that low carb is going to be the ONLY way I can eat and lose weight and maintain long term. I hate that, because I love sugar. I'm actually contemplating trying the Weight Watchers "simply filling" core type plan. All fruits and veggies are "free" foods, and you eat other foods off of a list. You can still have "treats" you just count them out of your weekly points. Or, I may just do South Beach eating with all the fruits/veggies I want. That is probably pretty much the same style of eating but without paying for WW. LOL.
I have pretty much all of our homeschool curriculum bought. I'm glad we decided to bring her home before this next thing happened, or people would wonder if this is the only reason... I'll share briefly. My older DD came home one day from AWANA all emotional. I had the feeling that the small thing that happened at AWANA was not the problem--rather that something had happened at school. I was right. It's worth mentioning that she is most definitely her mother's daughter. We are sooo much alike. Well she told me she felt her friends were betraying her. :( Sounds dramatic, but it was somewhat true. A girl was bullying her on the playground and making her give up her swing even if she had just got on it. One of her close friends is now playing with the bully, so she feels abandoned. She has found several really nice girls to play with now, and the teacher has been contacted (all my ideas of how to respond to the bully were not stopping things, and I REFUSE to allow my children to be the victim of bullying). So far so good, and the one close friend has talked to her some again, so this is good.
My husband was out of town this past weekend and my older DD and I stayed up until 11:30pm just chatting. She knows now she is going to be homeschooled for 3rd grade, and she is VERY happy. She was telling me public school was not for her. I explained to her that every family needs to do what they feel God wants them to do for their kids and what they feel is right themselves as well. I told her some kids do public, private and home school. Some do two of those. Some do one all the way through. That parents decide what works best and go with it. Just because we don't feel public is working for her doesn't mean it is "bad" or not a good choice. I told her she may end up there again in high school for all I know right now. She said something then that made me want to cry--for many reasons. "Mom, I don't know why, but a lot of the kids seem unhappy, angry and mean." Oh that broke my heart. My daughter is very emotional, sensitive and empathetic. That's just her nature. "Mom, why are the kids like that?"
That is the million dollar question. I'm sure most parents care and do what is right. Kids are kids and mine are FAR from perfect. But some don't have a great life at home, and some may not have one of their parents around all the time. Now, let me say if you are a single parent, I'm not saying your kid will not fare well. If you care and are deeply involved, that makes all the difference. I'm talking about parents checking out and not caring. This can happen with a one or a two parent home. I just told her that not all kids have a nice life. Some have reasons to be sad and angry. And some are just stinkers like both of my kids can be. Perhape what bothered me the most, is in her words I had a sense that school could very well change who she is as a person. The world needs more empathetic, sensitive and kind people in it... and if she learns now that those are *weaknesses*, the world may lose one kind, caring person that it really needs.
Then I come around to the "sheltering" argument that many have. "You can't save them from everything. You shouldn't shelter your kids. They need to experience life." And I think before this last year, I was buying into the belief that by homeschooling my daughter, I was keeping her from natural things she needs to experience. That if she didn't experience school her development might be somehow stunted or in some way deficient. I no longer think she needs to go to school to be "okay". She will learn about the world plenty by being at home with us, going out to run errands, getting to know people at church and other places we frequent, when she is older seeing the news and discussing it with us... but I come back to the feeling that as her parent I NEED to be protecting her and keeping her safe. When she is older, she will have the tools to battle the world but right now she's crying out to be sheltered, to be in a safe haven.
She is so worn out we barely do anything fun in the evenings--sure she plays, but, nothing like we used to. When we homeschooled, we could go see my inlaws in the evening or my parents. School has really limited our ability to be with family because the kids are simply too tired. If I had been in a better place at the beginning of the school year, she would have come back home sometime in September. She was showing signs of struggling back then. she has gotten somewhat used to things, but I can tell she's stressed and this is not for her for now.
And, among other things, the trial my side of the family has been through has taught me to seize the day, and take advantage of whatever time I'm given. To live life to the fullest and have no regrets. I may not do it all perfect, but I'm going to try hard to do what I feel is right for us.
I have also learned, through going back to my old ways at times, that low carb is going to be the ONLY way I can eat and lose weight and maintain long term. I hate that, because I love sugar. I'm actually contemplating trying the Weight Watchers "simply filling" core type plan. All fruits and veggies are "free" foods, and you eat other foods off of a list. You can still have "treats" you just count them out of your weekly points. Or, I may just do South Beach eating with all the fruits/veggies I want. That is probably pretty much the same style of eating but without paying for WW. LOL.
I have pretty much all of our homeschool curriculum bought. I'm glad we decided to bring her home before this next thing happened, or people would wonder if this is the only reason... I'll share briefly. My older DD came home one day from AWANA all emotional. I had the feeling that the small thing that happened at AWANA was not the problem--rather that something had happened at school. I was right. It's worth mentioning that she is most definitely her mother's daughter. We are sooo much alike. Well she told me she felt her friends were betraying her. :( Sounds dramatic, but it was somewhat true. A girl was bullying her on the playground and making her give up her swing even if she had just got on it. One of her close friends is now playing with the bully, so she feels abandoned. She has found several really nice girls to play with now, and the teacher has been contacted (all my ideas of how to respond to the bully were not stopping things, and I REFUSE to allow my children to be the victim of bullying). So far so good, and the one close friend has talked to her some again, so this is good.
My husband was out of town this past weekend and my older DD and I stayed up until 11:30pm just chatting. She knows now she is going to be homeschooled for 3rd grade, and she is VERY happy. She was telling me public school was not for her. I explained to her that every family needs to do what they feel God wants them to do for their kids and what they feel is right themselves as well. I told her some kids do public, private and home school. Some do two of those. Some do one all the way through. That parents decide what works best and go with it. Just because we don't feel public is working for her doesn't mean it is "bad" or not a good choice. I told her she may end up there again in high school for all I know right now. She said something then that made me want to cry--for many reasons. "Mom, I don't know why, but a lot of the kids seem unhappy, angry and mean." Oh that broke my heart. My daughter is very emotional, sensitive and empathetic. That's just her nature. "Mom, why are the kids like that?"
That is the million dollar question. I'm sure most parents care and do what is right. Kids are kids and mine are FAR from perfect. But some don't have a great life at home, and some may not have one of their parents around all the time. Now, let me say if you are a single parent, I'm not saying your kid will not fare well. If you care and are deeply involved, that makes all the difference. I'm talking about parents checking out and not caring. This can happen with a one or a two parent home. I just told her that not all kids have a nice life. Some have reasons to be sad and angry. And some are just stinkers like both of my kids can be. Perhape what bothered me the most, is in her words I had a sense that school could very well change who she is as a person. The world needs more empathetic, sensitive and kind people in it... and if she learns now that those are *weaknesses*, the world may lose one kind, caring person that it really needs.
Then I come around to the "sheltering" argument that many have. "You can't save them from everything. You shouldn't shelter your kids. They need to experience life." And I think before this last year, I was buying into the belief that by homeschooling my daughter, I was keeping her from natural things she needs to experience. That if she didn't experience school her development might be somehow stunted or in some way deficient. I no longer think she needs to go to school to be "okay". She will learn about the world plenty by being at home with us, going out to run errands, getting to know people at church and other places we frequent, when she is older seeing the news and discussing it with us... but I come back to the feeling that as her parent I NEED to be protecting her and keeping her safe. When she is older, she will have the tools to battle the world but right now she's crying out to be sheltered, to be in a safe haven.
She is so worn out we barely do anything fun in the evenings--sure she plays, but, nothing like we used to. When we homeschooled, we could go see my inlaws in the evening or my parents. School has really limited our ability to be with family because the kids are simply too tired. If I had been in a better place at the beginning of the school year, she would have come back home sometime in September. She was showing signs of struggling back then. she has gotten somewhat used to things, but I can tell she's stressed and this is not for her for now.
And, among other things, the trial my side of the family has been through has taught me to seize the day, and take advantage of whatever time I'm given. To live life to the fullest and have no regrets. I may not do it all perfect, but I'm going to try hard to do what I feel is right for us.
Tuesday, March 8, 2011
A time for balance, a return to seeking spiritual and physical health... that sounds dramatic... LOL
I have recently gone back on low carb and am now down a total of 47.8 pounds. A lot has been going on since I posted last in December 2010.
A hard trial in my family has somewhat come to a point of closure. Things I had let go of are again on my mind. One being weight loss, healthy eating, etc. Another is homeschooling. I have realized this year has been a time in my life for intensive Bible reading and spiritual growth, yet the thought that my kids have been fed so little spiritually weighs heavy on my mind and soul. I am praying God helps me find a balance between teaching them well, and caring for myself well. The key will come in waking early to spend time with Him, and making it to the gym in the evenings with my husband 3-4 times a week. Also in meal planning and purposeful shopping. I will be home more, believe it or not... and LESS busy in some ways. We rush around way more now that we used to, honestly. I long for a slower life again, a purposeful life. Some folks may read this and think I'm nuts. This year "off" from homeschooling has been good--emotionally and mentally, well, spiritually too... I was battered and broken. I needed this time to refocus and see what is truly important in my life. I love the schools my girls are in, and may leave the little one where she is for another year of pre-k, but with 29 second graders my older daughter is becoming lost in her class. She's keeping up for now, but I don't like the thought that she's lagging behind with her pace, and struggling to stay on task. She is a bit pokey by nature, but I wonder how long until a teacher asks me to medicate her to help her focus. I believe it's a "too many kids in the classroom" problem and not an ADHD problem for her. She has actually ASKED to come back home. I informed her she would still be getting up early, and she would still have to work. She says she doesn't care. I think she misses the slower life too.
I see the important things in my life ocming into focus and I know all too quickly the days will turn into years... and I see clearly how to organize my life to make homeschooling more successful. My life has lacked structure and discipline and I don't pretend to think I have it all sorted out, but I'm on a journey to balance my health and wellness with my children's spiritual health and wellness. And my older daughter is so tired all of the time. She's running too much, and with running one misses what is truly valuable in life. So, I do love her school, but I see a better way for our family.
This leads me to another thing, the realization I spend far too much time on Facebook and too little time in other more important pursuits. I have felt led for a while to "take a break" and as Lent draws nearer, I feel like God is saying to set Facebook aside and use the time to seek Him. I will post here periodically, as I'm still on the journey of weight loss and on a journey to attain spiritual health and balance... but I plan to forego Facebook for the Lenten season, and use the time more effectively.
So, if you've read this, I don't broadcast this to say this is what you need to do... and Facebook is not inherently evil or bad. I feel like I need balance back in my life, and this feels like the way to do it. I don't share this to get glory from "man" but to let anyone know who may follow this, where I'm going to be--reachable by email--until Easter.
A hard trial in my family has somewhat come to a point of closure. Things I had let go of are again on my mind. One being weight loss, healthy eating, etc. Another is homeschooling. I have realized this year has been a time in my life for intensive Bible reading and spiritual growth, yet the thought that my kids have been fed so little spiritually weighs heavy on my mind and soul. I am praying God helps me find a balance between teaching them well, and caring for myself well. The key will come in waking early to spend time with Him, and making it to the gym in the evenings with my husband 3-4 times a week. Also in meal planning and purposeful shopping. I will be home more, believe it or not... and LESS busy in some ways. We rush around way more now that we used to, honestly. I long for a slower life again, a purposeful life. Some folks may read this and think I'm nuts. This year "off" from homeschooling has been good--emotionally and mentally, well, spiritually too... I was battered and broken. I needed this time to refocus and see what is truly important in my life. I love the schools my girls are in, and may leave the little one where she is for another year of pre-k, but with 29 second graders my older daughter is becoming lost in her class. She's keeping up for now, but I don't like the thought that she's lagging behind with her pace, and struggling to stay on task. She is a bit pokey by nature, but I wonder how long until a teacher asks me to medicate her to help her focus. I believe it's a "too many kids in the classroom" problem and not an ADHD problem for her. She has actually ASKED to come back home. I informed her she would still be getting up early, and she would still have to work. She says she doesn't care. I think she misses the slower life too.
I see the important things in my life ocming into focus and I know all too quickly the days will turn into years... and I see clearly how to organize my life to make homeschooling more successful. My life has lacked structure and discipline and I don't pretend to think I have it all sorted out, but I'm on a journey to balance my health and wellness with my children's spiritual health and wellness. And my older daughter is so tired all of the time. She's running too much, and with running one misses what is truly valuable in life. So, I do love her school, but I see a better way for our family.
This leads me to another thing, the realization I spend far too much time on Facebook and too little time in other more important pursuits. I have felt led for a while to "take a break" and as Lent draws nearer, I feel like God is saying to set Facebook aside and use the time to seek Him. I will post here periodically, as I'm still on the journey of weight loss and on a journey to attain spiritual health and balance... but I plan to forego Facebook for the Lenten season, and use the time more effectively.
So, if you've read this, I don't broadcast this to say this is what you need to do... and Facebook is not inherently evil or bad. I feel like I need balance back in my life, and this feels like the way to do it. I don't share this to get glory from "man" but to let anyone know who may follow this, where I'm going to be--reachable by email--until Easter.
Wednesday, December 8, 2010
Confession time...
I've gained back 3 pounds. So, I'm at 37.8 off now. I'm sad about it. I got depressed and turned to food which is NOT going to help. I watched Biggest Loser last night and seeing bow much Ada has worked through has inspired me to keep going. I don't want to be as big as I was, and I don't want to be as big as I am now long term. I need to lose about 77 pounds to be at the upper end of a good weight for my frame so it's time to stop wallowing and medicating with food. I have a long way to go, but I have already come pretty far. All I know is if I do what I have always done I'm going to get what I've always gotten... which is gaining more weight and being more unhappy.
I've been wallowing in my bad feelings about a situation in my family and that has contributed to my diet downfall as well. I read chapter 9 in So Long Insecurity (Beth Moore book) and worked through a LOT of STUFF. Chapter 9 is a long prayer where you are guided through laying your fears and insecurities down at the foot of the cross and reclaiming your dignity as a woman of God. I had a long hard cry as God revealed to me areas where I don't feel "good enough" and how I punish myself by sabotaging myself... or medicate my bad feelings with food. Christ died so I can be free... not only free from sin, death, and hell... but free from fear, insecurity and bondages of any sort. I have to put off the "old man" and clothe myself in dignity (Proverbs 31).
I also worked through Daniel chapter 1 for my ladies Bible study and the Babylon "motto" has really gotten to me. "I am, and there is no one besides me." This not only was the thought of that time, but it's the thought now too... and I can apply it to my family member who has caused so many pain, but I also need to point the finger at ME. Eating out of control and not treating myself well is saying, "I am and there is no one besides me." I'm basically forgetting my friends and family who would be deeply impacted should my health spiral downward as a result of my rebellion and neglect. I have to remember I'm not alone in this and my choices will affect my husband and my girls. Also others.
So, back at the calorie counting, the Y workouts and on off Y days, the Jillian video.. then the Bob ones once I feel ready for him. He's a beast! LOL!
I've been wallowing in my bad feelings about a situation in my family and that has contributed to my diet downfall as well. I read chapter 9 in So Long Insecurity (Beth Moore book) and worked through a LOT of STUFF. Chapter 9 is a long prayer where you are guided through laying your fears and insecurities down at the foot of the cross and reclaiming your dignity as a woman of God. I had a long hard cry as God revealed to me areas where I don't feel "good enough" and how I punish myself by sabotaging myself... or medicate my bad feelings with food. Christ died so I can be free... not only free from sin, death, and hell... but free from fear, insecurity and bondages of any sort. I have to put off the "old man" and clothe myself in dignity (Proverbs 31).
I also worked through Daniel chapter 1 for my ladies Bible study and the Babylon "motto" has really gotten to me. "I am, and there is no one besides me." This not only was the thought of that time, but it's the thought now too... and I can apply it to my family member who has caused so many pain, but I also need to point the finger at ME. Eating out of control and not treating myself well is saying, "I am and there is no one besides me." I'm basically forgetting my friends and family who would be deeply impacted should my health spiral downward as a result of my rebellion and neglect. I have to remember I'm not alone in this and my choices will affect my husband and my girls. Also others.
So, back at the calorie counting, the Y workouts and on off Y days, the Jillian video.. then the Bob ones once I feel ready for him. He's a beast! LOL!
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