Confession time...

I've gained back 3 pounds. So, I'm at 37.8 off now. I'm sad about it. I got depressed and turned to food which is NOT going to help. I watched Biggest Loser last night and seeing bow much Ada has worked through has inspired me to keep going. I don't want to be as big as I was, and I don't want to be as big as I am now long term. I need to lose about 77 pounds to be at the upper end of a good weight for my frame so it's time to stop wallowing and medicating with food. I have a long way to go, but I have already come pretty far. All I know is if I do what I have always done I'm going to get what I've always gotten... which is gaining more weight and being more unhappy.

I've been wallowing in my bad feelings about a situation in my family and that has contributed to my diet downfall as well. I read chapter 9 in So Long Insecurity (Beth Moore book) and worked through a LOT of STUFF. Chapter 9 is a long prayer where you are guided through laying your fears and insecurities down at the foot of the cross and reclaiming your dignity as a woman of God. I had a long hard cry as God revealed to me areas where I don't feel "good enough" and how I punish myself by sabotaging myself... or medicate my bad feelings with food. Christ died so I can be free... not only free from sin, death, and hell... but free from fear, insecurity and bondages of any sort. I have to put off the "old man" and clothe myself in dignity (Proverbs 31).

I also worked through Daniel chapter 1 for my ladies Bible study and the Babylon "motto" has really gotten to me. "I am, and there is no one besides me." This not only was the thought of that time, but it's the thought now too... and I can apply it to my family member who has caused so many pain, but I also need to point the finger at ME. Eating out of control and not treating myself well is saying, "I am and there is no one besides me." I'm basically forgetting my friends and family who would be deeply impacted should my health spiral downward as a result of my rebellion and neglect. I have to remember I'm not alone in this and my choices will affect my husband and my girls. Also others.

So, back at the calorie counting, the Y workouts and on off Y days, the Jillian video.. then the Bob ones once I feel ready for him. He's a beast! LOL!