We lose our way... and get back up again....

I've had a HARD week. Those who know me know why. Those who don't... just know it's been stressful, emotional, all of that. I have made some bad food choices. I will not lie. However, I have also discovered I really enjoy exercising when I feel down. It makes me feel better. And, listening to my choir Christmas music while working out lifted me up even more. (someone tell Pastor Jim. He will be proud. I didn't sing though, I could hardly talk if someone had talked to me. LOL).

I did the elliptical for 40 minutes, lower body weights, and 5 min cooldown on crosstrainer. I felt AWESOME!!!!! I did not eat GREAT this week AT ALL... most days right over cal limit... but Tues, Wed, and today did 40 min of cardio (or more, and pretty much all elliptical). I did my weights too. I'll go tomorrow night and work out with Charles. The girls are excited to be able to be in child care together :) Cute. Normally G is at school.

I'm at the point now that I know I've had a lapse... and it's time to STOP in my tracks and remember my goals. I WILL get this weight off. I WILL go back to the healthy eating and cal counting. RIGHT NOW.

If you read this I need you to kick my butt in a few days...

I'm feeling really sick this morning... sinus pressure, nausea... just do not feel good. I can't work out and I am actually upset about that... but please in a few days, someone ask me if I have started back up... because I do not want to get completely out of the habit! Thanks :)

35 pounds GONE!!!!!

I got on the scale this morning expecting to be at 36... but... I'm VERY happy with 35... 2.4lbs this week. I am thrilled. People can tell, I can FEEL it... down 2 sizes. Almost getting to the sizes in the "regular" part of the store!

I'm loving my workouts now. I added interval training which kicks my rear! BUT... I get a much tougher workout. I also added upper body free weights. Loving the change. I am hoping between the new workouts, weaning off my prednisone (YES!!! Been stable at taking my 5mg e/o day for 2 weeks now! Praise GOD!!!)) and watching my calories/carbs... that the weight will keep coming off this fast! Losing 2lbs a week is really, really nice!

God, You are my hiding place...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Etq-jE8IJco

You are My Hiding Place -- Selah

You are my hiding place
You always fill my heart
With songs of deliverance
Whenever I am afraid
I will trust in You

I will trust in You
Let the weak say
I am strong
In the strength of the Lord

You are my hiding place
You always fill my heart
With songs of deliverance
Whenever I am afraid
I will trust in You

I will trust in You
Let the weak say I am strong
In the strength of the Lord
I will trust in You

Heading to bed but...

can't help but have a lot on my mind. My life has changed a lot this year. I'm not homeschooling and there is a whole group of people I no longer see that I really miss. At the same time, I'm meeting new folks at the Y, at Gabby's school, at church, etc... and that is good but I do really miss the folks I was closer to last year while homeschooling. Life seems to always be changing. I hope to someday see the folks I miss whether it be in Walmart in passing or whatever. I miss my old life in some ways but the new way of life has its benefits too. I don't think anyone knew how stressed out I was trying to deal with pain, limitations etc and homeschooling. Did I need to toughen up? Maybe. But I was so overweight and so unhealthy I was too bogged down to keep moving forward.

We are a month into school and Gabby is doing fabulously. I'm hoping to arrange some playtimes with the girls she plays with the most at school so she can get to know them better and I can meet the moms. Gabby is getting an S (satisfactory, = a A or B) in everything but spelling. She's 2% pts away from a S in spelling because she had a rough time the first test. She's been getting 9 our of 10 the last few weeks so that should be fine at the quarter. She leaves my car and runs for the building... turning around to blow me and her sister kisses on her way into the building. She knows many of the teachers and staff and when we pick her up she happily tells them bye and hugs the ones special to her.

She has grown a lot which is something I was hoping to see come from this, but I have grown and learned too. I've learned I'm worth saving. I'm worth getting healthy. I deserve to feel good and look nice. I don't need to be a certain size, but I do need to feel better about myself and to feel better physically. I sit and ponder the shape I was in last winter and spring and I'm amazed at how far I've come. I love my Y time. I'm loving my bike rides. I'm enjoying the kiddos more now. I am keeping up with them better now.

I feel like I've been given a great gift to get my life back and make it better than it ever was. I'm grateful.

I have a jeans problem again!!! And it's a GOOD thing!!!

I went to Kohl's with a really good friend of mine and tried on a pair of pants in the size I am wearing now... can wear my old clothes in that size and need a few more items. So, I proudly take my jeans in 2 sizes down from my biggest size into the dressing room and they didn't fit!!! I was THRILLED. Here is the story...

In the past when I was smaller I always had problems with jeans fitting my hips and butt but being WAY too big in the waist. I would wear a belt and STILL the jeans would gap at the waist! I didn't notice at the time but when I got to my biggest my pants fit all over, waist, hips and butt. I was no longer pear shaped. I was an apple. This is a BAD shape to be because it's pretty much a sure thing if you carry a ton of belly fat you will end up diabetic.

So, when those jeans fit my hips and butt but NOT my waist, I knew this was a VERY GOOD THING!! I'll be trying on my old Right Fit jeans from Fashion Bug, but they may still be too small... and if so, I'll buy some in my size to get me through. I'm totally thrilled!!

Spiritual type post...

I had intended to blog more about my spiritual growth but I've not been in a Bible study in a while (mine starts up 9/29 on Wed nights). I am loving the SS series on 1 and 2 Corinthians. Today was on forgiveness and as usual, the lesson has me thinking. I am in a situation where I feel I have forgiven but the circumstances dictate that I always be mindful of the offense. This is vague on purpose. I struggle with wondering if this is true forgiveness and the conclusions I have come to are these:

*I no longer harbor anger and bitterness towards the person who has offended me.
*I'm not uncomfortable being in the person's presence and having contact with the person.
*I don't wish the person ill will in any way.
*I don't constantly feel like I could throw up from anxiety regarding this person and situation.

Considering the situation is a sin, and a sin that hurt many people I feel like I am doing very well in regards to letting go. BUT... the circumstances dictate a forever watchful eye and caution. I feel like because this is not destroying me, and because I can honestly say I love and care for this person that I have let go... but it's a matter I keep in prayer about. If you read this, and don't "get it" that's alright... if you want to pray just pray for an unspoken need for my family. <3

I can honestly say God has taught me a lot about letting go and knowing He is God and He has EVERYTHING in His hands.